Haiti

The big trip is finally here.  I've been thinking about it since October, when Chris was building schools there and unknowingly became a catalyst for my journey.  I've heard many of his stories, and several others from people at Seattle First or through Companis.  Whenever a student would stand me up at the Downtown Library, I would take a few minutes to learn a new word or phrase in the Creole-English Dictionary on the 7th floor.  I've learned mostly body parts from the dictionary, and words for food from the Creole podcast I found.  When I went home a month ago, my parents bought me some good books talking about the state of Haiti before the earthquake, and one with letters written by Haitins in mostly Creole.

I don't really think any of this will prepare me for what's coming, for actually being there.  I don't think I will be able to follow or speak a word of Creole when I am immersed in it.  What I was doing while reading and looking up phrases or words was spending time being intentional about this trip, making time to let it take over my thoughts and mind for a few moments of almost every day for months.

Now that it's upon me, I'm really excited!  I'm so grateful for all the support I've had making this trip possible.  From my two church families, the Women's Mission Society at Calvary and Companis at SFBC for donating some money to Evergreen Association for the cause, and the special commission from SFBC.  Thanks to my parents for the books, and the insight that was hard to find elsewhere.  Thanks to Chris for being the catalyst.  Thanks to the Sunday brunch crew for talking over the trip with me every week.  And the biggest thanks to Ned Parker for making it all happen.

When I read back in my journals and blog to last summer, I read the thread of cravings, yearnings, desires for something amazing.  Looking back at this year, and looking ahead at the coming months, I feel satisfied.

Craving

Photo by Emily Jane Schankerman

Yearning.  Desire.  Want.  Thirst.  This summer, same as last summer, I have it.

I think the reason is I am so completely dissatisfied with how I've been spending my summers.

Summers shaped me, they were when I learned to fall in love with the world.  Summers were about sleeping under open sky, rushing for the moment, finding myself inside a safe space.  This is all a magical way to say summers were about camp.  Staying up past responsibility to find something big enough to hold us all (beauty art love nature).

Being done with school and trying to figure out the next steps in the five year plan has made me think back to those times when I had no cravings because I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing.

Each time I look at the dim night sky from within the city, each time I try to describe my feelings and end up discussing logistics, each time I'm riding my bike and wondering why I can't just go faster, when I'm at a restaurant and no food or drink is quite what I feel I want, I get the sense that it all leads to one big craving for something spectacular.

Photo by Sarah Eisenberg

I'm excited because I think I'm on the brink of satisfying this hunger.  When I look back to those times with no yearnings, I can pinpoint why I was so happy, and I'm beginning to find and create those conditions again.