Smile

"Spare change."

I pause, turn and look at the person sitting on the sidewalk, "Sorry, not today."

My friend Nick once made fun of me for saying this, ("Not today?  You gonna come back tomorrow?") but I really mean it.  Today I am a volunteer, living on a stipend that doesn't cover rent.  Tomorrow I could have a full time job, with a salary and benefits, and that will be a different conversation about the change in my pocket and whether or not I really need it.

In this situation, I usually hear several times a week, "You have a beautiful smile."  Usually from the men.  Many people tell me that is creepy, but I think this is one of the nicest compliments to hear from someone you don't know very well.  I don't feel it's objectifying, it doesn't make me uncomfortable, and although it's a comment on a physical feature, I don't think it really is.  I think people tell me I have a beautiful smile because they see genuine happiness behind it.

I try to soften my face toward the world and give the same smile to my bus seatmate as I do the woman in the elevator at the doctor's office, Wings at Starlife Cafe making me lunch, the beggar or vendor or busker on the sidewalk, the cashier at the grocery store.  I think opening an interaction with a stranger with a smile shows the other person that I am happy to be sharing a moment with them, that I am excited about the possibilities in the world, that I am a friendly, optimistic, hopeful, happy person.

No one has told me I have a nice smile this week.  Polly was a reference for a job application of mine recently, and she told me she was a big advocate for me to get the job, because I'm an authentic person with everyone I meet, no matter how different we are.  I haven't been feeling as authentic this week, which is probably why no one is raving about my beautiful smile.  I still have the moments with strangers I've started writing about each day, but I think the people I interact with can tell I'm struggling.  I'm being pulled inward by my thoughts, I'm engaging but only on a surface level.  I'm consumed by my own feelings and less open to creating a relationship with everyone I meet.

A student cancelled our appointment this morning.  I called to reschedule.  The student, Maurice (or Marty) started to ask some questions about where he should go to school, UW, or community college?  I gave him the standard answer that I've learned, community college is cheaper, the classes are smaller, the teachers are there to teach, some at UW are there for research first.  He started to say more: he was an African-American male so he could get some diversity scholarships, he was interested in playing football.  I tried to cut him off politely, and let him know this was Polly's area of expertise.  I scheduled an appointment for him and Polly to meet, because she does the career and academic counseling, I'm just the tutor.

He was persistant though, and kept me on the line.  He wanted to be a teacher, he said.  If he got grants in Washington, did he have to teach in Washington, or could he go back to Georgia, where he really wanted to teach?  He finally had me listening.  "I went to school to be a teacher too," I said.  "Have you heard of the TEACH Grants?  You'll have to teach in the state of Washington for four years, but then you can go teach wherever you want.  And you have to teach in a high needs school, at risk students, special ed, something along those lines."

"That's what I really want to do," said Maurice.  He explained that what he cared about most was going home to Georgia to teach in some of the neighborhoods that he knew needed the most help, connecting with the at risk, the under-served, the troubled youth.

"What do you want to teach?" I asked.

"Math," he said.  "My passion is music, but so many schools are cutting Fine Arts programs, I know I won't get a job if I get a music degree and try to work in the schools."  He went on to talk about how he decided math was the next best thing, because of how connected music and math were.  Music has patterns in it, math is about patterns.  Music has rhythm and measures, math is about counting and multiplying.

I interrupted him to talk about integrative learning, and how he was inspiring me.  I told him I also taught math, and one thing I'd learned is that most students fear math, usually because of one awful teacher that made them feel that they were bad at math, when really the student had been failed by the public education system.  I was growing excited listening to Marty describe what sounded like an integrative approach to math education, using music to teach students math.

"I'm just getting started," Marty laughed, amused by my enthusiasm.  He recommended we sit down sometime so I can hear his whole story.  That should happen this Friday and I can't wait.

He started to say it was more specific than music, he wanted to teach students math using a drumline.  The counting, the rhythms, the discipline needed on a drumline would translate impeccably well with math.

I had to end the conversation, because I had to meet with another student.  Going through a funk isn't usually solved in one moment, or even through one night.  I think it can be solved with a thousand moments like this.  I was trying to stay on the surface, to close myself off.  I was trying to schedule this student with Polly and get off the phone because I felt tired, drained, hopeless, defeated, overworked, and hectic.  Instead Marty pushed me to listen to him, really listen, and that moment made me take a breath and remember that I have a beautiful smile to share with the world, and it is most genuine when I take the time to connect with someone the way Marty challenged me to connect.

A Morning Person's Observations #1

6/12/2012 - First naturalizing in Queen Anne

I heard them this morning, the chickadees!  I'm glad they live on this side of Lake Union too.

slug trail, look close!

As I sip my tea, I look between my feet and see a slug trail that went all over a plant by the back stoop, but the slug was nowhere to be seen.  I hope to find it one day.

There is a gentle coolness in the air, temperature is the low 60s.  It's dry, but feels fresh.  There are partial clouds in the sky.  Basically, Seattle before the Fourth of July.  If I was in D.C. I would swear it was fall and not summer.  My new sit spot is on the back step, below Raffaela's (upstairs roommate) porch, so it's shaded and tucked away in the forest of our backyard.

The chickadees make their namesake noise for me again.  I can hear them and many others, but I can't see any of them yet.  I'm the new kid on the block, and they're not sure if they're ok with me coming out to play.

6/13/2012 - Familiarizing with the neighbors

I was lucky enough to look between my feet, and see the slug this morning!  Somehow it is the ugliest and cutest slug I've ever seen, all at once.

Some of the birds emerged this morning, just for a moment.  I vainly assumed they had come to see me, that after two days I had become a consistent, reliable, and safe presence.  Then I heard Raffaela by the side stairs to her flat.  They had come over because they had been disrupted elsewhere.  Still, once they saw me they seemed curious.  They were probably a type of sparrow.  What one of my college professors, Jay Roberts, would call LBJs (Little Brown Jabbers).  Their brown feathers were a dark, rich brown.  The tail feathers were long and royal looking.

I notice some of the flora characters this morning.  A few Bracken ferns, a Maple tree, Big Leaf I believe.  A few other species I'll need to identify later.  And the familiar morning glory with its beautiful white flowers, crawling all over the horsetail fern with a King Midas touch, choking the life out of anything it comes across.

In the coming weeks, my roommates and I all leave for two weeks, and we return to find Raffaela's bike under the outside stairs, covered in Morning Glory!

6/14/2012 - Nesting Ninja

One of the LBJs made an appearance today, third day in a row and it seemed willing to tolerate me.  The bird looked like a wren to me.  Tiny body with a long, elegant tail sticking straight up.  A white headband cuts across the eyes, making me think of a ninja.

Ninja wren nest

Ninja wren picked up some fluff that looked like dandelion bits.  It shook them against the ground, dusting them with dirt.  I still find it funny the way birds move, such twitchy little creatures.  Ninja wren went to deposit its nest materials in a hole between the house and Raffaela's porch.

I notice today that one of the ferns is bracken, but the other one looks more like Spiney Wood Fern.

6/20/2012 - Naturalizing at Green Lake

I've been staying at Chris' all week, dog-sitting Denali while Chris and everyone are in the backcountry for staff training.  We sat on the front steps this morning, Denali in front of me, just in case the couple across the street walking their toddler tried to attack me (he has some neurotic wolf guarding tendencies).

I've heard naturalists say don't try to do a sit spot with a dog.  This advice makes sense, but I do also like the different dynamics you observe sitting outside with a dog.  The flies were swarming because of a present Denali had dropped in the front yard yesterday that I hadn't cleaned up yet.  The bees also swung by, particularly interested in the purple flowers Ally (Chris' roommate) had planted.  They had giant pouches of pollen hanging off of either side of their abdomen!

E.J. found a dead honeybee once, with a honey bubble still attached to its leg.  She put it in a tiny, clear box, in her car, and I could stare at that bee for hours and the bubble that still hasn't popped.

I try to make my morning sits only about observing, leave the stresses of the world for later, but I can't help but think about all the bees that are dying, and wonder what a world without honey, or pollinated flowers, would be like.

A robin perches on a telephone wire and sends out a call twice.  The robin's ears must be better than mine, because after the second call, the robin flies over George's (the landlord who lives next door) house, presumably to find someone who had answered the call.

Denali and I are done sitting, so we head out on our walk.  We see the rabbits he chased once when I let him off leash in a field before noticing them.  That experience must not have left a lasting impression for the rabbits, or maybe they recognize that he's on a leash, but either way, they barely scooch away as he lunges for them and tries desperately to break my hold.

I head back to my house to get ready for work.  As I sit on the corner of Dexter and Westlake waiting for the 30 to take me to the Seattle Center, the top grass and hay layer beside the bus bench starts throbbing, like a vampire digging through a grave (I watched an episode of Buffy last night), or a critter trying to break the surface (more likely).  The bus comes before I can see what comes out of there.

Moments with Strangers #1

6/10/2012 - Moving in

As I pulled into Ken's Market, the small neighborhood grocery store, for the first time, someone in an apron smiled big at me.  "Zipcar!" he said.  Later I found a Safeway around the corner that google maps didn't show on my search.  Maybe it knew I was moving in, and needed a local moment to get me started.

I get home from the market and my neighbor across the street emerged from under his car.  "I'm Wally."  He welcomed me to the neighborhood and invited me to a 4th of July barbecue with his roommates, after knowing me for less than 5 minutes.  This could be a special place.

6/15/2012 - Elevator Pitch

We were all waiting for the elevator.  I got there first and pushed the up button.  The woman with the cart got there next and jabbed at the (already lit up) up button several times, as if she felt with each jab the elevator would feel her urgency and hurry itself.  The last woman arrived to witness the rest of the scene.

An elevator finally arrived, going down.  The woman with the cart let out a big sigh.  As soon as the door closed, she pushed the down button with as much vigor as she had pushed the up button.  That's when the other observer and I made eye contact.  The next elevator that came was also down, and empty this time.  The woman with the cart got on and as soon as the doors closed behind her, the remaining two of us couldn't help but laugh.

"Someone was in a hurry!" she said as we boarded the elevator that had come to take us up.  "That first elevator was going down too.  Why didn't she get on it?"

"It's Friday," I offered.  "We're all a little off."

"Ain't that the truth!" she said.  "I've been here for four hours.  I come four days a week and help an older woman with her dialysis.  I'm ready to get out of here now, but I didn't want to go wherever she was heading!"  I could understand that, since the very aura of that woman exuded stress.

"That's nice that you help someone with her dialysis," I said as we reached my floor.

As I got off the elevator, who had materialized but the same woman with a cart, now smiling broadly and asking, "Going down?"  I stared in awe as I stepped out of the way of this magical transporting mail woman.

As I walked away, I could practically hear from the elevator the sound of my friend trying not to laugh.

Goodbye Alleyside

My room at the Alleyside

The reverse culture shock from Haiti has been rough.  I made myself get up the first week every morning, drink my tea on the front porch, and think about how beautiful Seattle is, the greatest city in the world.  I want to go back, but I don't want to miss the moments now by obsessing, so I'm forcing myself to focus on the present instead.  There's been a move to Queen Anne with some new, exciting naturalizing to come.  In the meantime, the last of the sit spots from the Alleyside:

April 30, 2012

Windy.  Overcast.  High 50s.

"Look how lucky I am!" Chris said this morning.  "My car is covered with pink petals!"  I needed this, a reason why the wind and cold was so good and beautiful.

The wind picked up those petals and made them dance on the street, the way sand dances on a drum being played.

Each tree has a patch of color under it today.  Pink petals, green pollen.

The robin woke up even earlier than I did.  It looked well fed.  Plump, perched on the tree outside my window, which has bloomed substantially in the past week.  Chris saw it fly to our neighbor's roof, where its partner joined it.

A common Alleyside visitor! photo by Kate Maher

Weeks later Kate and I were sitting on the back porch at the Alleyside and saw a hummingbird perched on a telephone wire.  We commented on how exotic hummingbirds seem, but then there they are in the city in Seattle, sitting on the telephone wire like any crow, pigeon, or gull would do.

Haiti Reflections

Some of the group started feeling overwhelmed by the conditions we saw.  Nzunga advised that we not think about the big picture, instead we focus on one person, one thing at a time.  The school being built.  The girl we met who Kihomi is helping.  The eye clinic, the hospital, the orphanage.  I'm so grateful for these projects, for all the hard work Nzunga, Kihomi, Pastor Mano have done in Haiti, for how hard they all fight for education.

However, I can't focus on one person, one project at a time, because this is so contrary to how I was raised.  I was raised to look at the whole community, and support causes that help a collective group of people, so there's no unfair distribution of resources.  I have been raised on the big picture, the revolution, the community organizing, the collectivising.

(Here is an important point for me to pause, and recognize someone.  The person who I absorbed the word collectivising from cares a lot about truth.  She also spends portions of her stories recognizing others and their thoughts, so it's important for me to say that this word came from her.  I was on Lily So-Too's computer when I saw a folder labeled "Collectivising."  She has lived in co-op, communal spaces for a while, and participates in many community oriented groups.  When I saw this folder, I had an idea of what it might mean for her, why she might have grown this word, and I immediately went into the words and used it myself to write a poem.  The poem didn't come out precisely how I wanted, so I'm still trying the word on for size.)

I remember being impressed when Chris was going to Haiti with All Hands, and he had raised enough money to buy some extra things for the kids, bubbles and coloring books.  Chris said he was going to put them in the schools at All Hands suggestion, so that they were a collective resource that all the kids could access, instead of going to five or six families in a town with thirty families with children.

It's hard for me to think about "one at a time" in Haiti, because I've heard so many stories about Haiti that make it the definition of collectivising.

...for the last twenty or thirty years, the U.S. has basically been trying to turn Haiti into kind of an export platform with super-cheap labor and lucrative returns for U.S. investors.  And for a long time it seemed to be working: there was a lot of repression, the population was under control, American investors were making big profits, and so on.  Then in 1990, something happened which really surprised the hell out of everyone.  There was this free election in Haiti, which everyone here assumed would be won by the former World Bank official we were backing [Marc Bazin], who had all the resources, and foreign support, and so on--but meanwhile something had been going on in the slums and peasant communities of Haiti that nobody here was paying any attention to: a lively and vibrant civil society was forming, with big grassroots organizations, and people getting involved in all kinds of activities.  There was in fact a huge amount of popular organizing and activisim--but who here was paying any attention?  The C.I.A. doesn't look at stuff like that, certainly American journalists don't.  So nobody here knew.  Well, all of a sudden, in December 1990, these grassroots organizations came out of the woodwork and won the election. (Chomsky)

Nzunga told me things were still bad when Aristide was in power, that he just armed the other side.  I believe him, because he lived through it and I didn't even know about it at the time.  For me it all comes back to wanting to learn the language, to hear more stories about how things were.

Angeline drove us here!

My favorite times on our Haiti trip were the moments when I felt the barrier come down for just a moment between me and the things and people I was seeing.  When Nzunga started letting us ride in the back of the pick-up truck, and we would wave to all the kids in the countryside, shouting "Bonswa" to one another.  Driving around the city with just Nzunga and Angeline, and getting to see Angeline merge into traffic, swerve around city streets, and climb her way up a cliff at the wheel in Cap Haitien.  Sitting and listening to the DJ at the hotel the first night, and drinking my first Haitien beer.  Standing outside of the compound gate, telling the guard I wouldn't come in because I was going somewhere with Nzunga, and chatting with the school girls on the corner who looked and acted as if they had been waiting to meet me.

I definitely want to go back.  A big part of this trip was getting to meet some different members and churches of the Evergreen Association, which was really fun and I am extremely grateful for those friendships.  However, next time, I want to go back without being part of a group of ten Americans, so I can expand those barrier free moments into whole experiences.  Kihomi said the next time we came to Haiti, she would take us to stay with the women she works with in the villages.  I am going to start practicing my Creole now, to be ready for that opportunity when it arises.

The reverse culture shock has definitely been a lot harder than the initial culture shock.  I have been debriefing like crazy with anyone who will listen.  The conversation I had recently that helped me the most was when Ron and I talked about the idea of "one at a time" verses collectively changing a corrupt system.  Ron told me about a book, "The 100th Monkey."  He says the idea is you teach one monkey something, and then it teaches another, and suddenly by the time 100 monkeys have learned something, every monkey knows it.  That at some pivotal turning point, let's say 100, even though your process was "one at a time," there has been a massive shift in the collective conscious.  This idea helped me with my struggle of the desire for collective change, but also wanting to be supportive of the important work I saw Nzunga and Kihomi do.

Haiti is a free country

Haitians and Americans working on the school

Nzunga has lots of ideas about what I should tell you.  A few days ago, he just wanted me to tell you I am safe and alive in Cap Haitien.  Now, he wants me to tell you how hard I worked today.  Today we went to the site of the school and helped.  We carried concrete bricks and laid them around the perimeter of the school, so when they are ready to go on the school when the cement is done being laid on the first level.  After that came my favorite part, making sand.  Someone would shovel a scoop of gravelly, chunky, rocky sand into the sifter.  The other person shakes the sifter so all the good fine sand falls into a mound, and the chunky rocks stay in the sifter.  Then, the best part, you turn your body, flick the sifter down in a way so the rocks fall out and away into their own pile.  Carrying bricks I could do for about a half hour to an hour, but sifting the sand and flicking the pebbles I could do all day!

I want to back up and talk a little about the Haitiens that we are staying with here.  They are incredible, generous, fun people to know, and I’m so greatful to have such wonderful hosts.  They all have amazing stories.  Nzunga grew up in the Congo.  He talked today about that experience for the first time, and as soon as I mentioned it I could see the sorrow in his eyes.  He says it was a hard time for him, sometimes he doesn’t like to remember.  His parents passed away while he was a teenager, and according to him, he joined up with a bad crowd.  Nzunga believes if it wasn’t for the people who pushed him to get an education, he would be dead right now, so he would give his life for improving the education system.  He came to Haiti in 1998 with Kihomi, his wife.

Kihomi’s story is my favorite.  She grew up in the Congo, carrying fruit on her head, walking for hours to sell it with her mother.  When Kihomi got her education, her life changed, and she became able to provide a different life for her mother.  Now, she finds a few girls at a time and helps them with school.  One of the girls she is supporting came to the compound and sat with us for a few moments.  Kihomi found this girl through her mother, when Kihomi bought some oranges from her mother.  She heard the girl’s story, and has been supporting her since then, to get her to go to school.  We asked Kihomi how old the girl was, and found out this girl is 23, and still finishing high school.  That’s fine, says Kihomi, when they get to be 25 become a little too old for high school.

I told Kihomi about Seattle Education Access, and how in Seattle I help low-income and homeless young adults pursue higher education, and she laughed and said, “That’s what I do!”  I am very happy to have flown across the country to work with the Polly Trout of Haiti.

And finally the story of our Secretary General, Emmanuel Pierre, who we have been told to call Mano.  When he and Kihomi were driving us around Cap Haitien, they took us to the site of the elementary school being built, a project of the Haitian Baptist Convention that the Evergreen Association is supporting.  As we looked at the site that would one day hold six classrooms, and then eventually twelve when they built the second story, Kihomi started translating Mano’s story.

Mano grew up like the poor kids on the street of Cap Haitien.  His father passed away when he was 14, but there was always someone to look out for him and to push him to go to school.  He went through seminary, and became a Baptist pastor.  The main person who always took care of him was the Secretary General, and now he has been selected by the people to be the Secretary General.  Mano wants to use his resources and abilities to help other children get an education.  He says his village is not far from Cap Haitien, so he thinks of this as his city.  He has chosen the poorest place in Cap Haitien to build this school, so the poor kids who are growing up the way he once did can access it.

It has been an incredible experience to hear all of our hosts’ stories and see how their lives have been transformed by education, and how much they are giving to the education of future generations.  I’m so grateful for this experience.  Nzunga and all our hosts are taking great care of us.  Every hour, Nzunga tells us we should, “Drink water, drink water, drink water,” to an extent that not even Sheila Becker could rival.  Today we got the word that there was unrest in Port-au-Prince, and Nzunga rushed us back to the compound, about an hour’s drive away, just in case.

The police were striking in Port-au-Prince.  They are not well protected, and one of their officers was killed today.  So the police have started putting up barricades to demand attention and better protection.  I appreciate how Nzunga wants to keep us safe, and is doing so much for us, but I also want to be at the barricades, to see what is going on there.  I’m getting a bit frustrated with how sheltered I feel, but I have too much respect for my hosts to bush the boundaries they have set.

On our first day in Cap Haitien, I asked Nzunga if we could walk around in the daytime.  He hesitantly said yes, but he does not encourage it.  Ron asked if it would be best if we went in groups of twos or threes.  Nzunga then explained how much Mano was risking by hosting us at his compound.  He has been kidnapped at gunpoint from his own bed several months ago.  They assume, but do not know for sure, that he is a target because he always has American missionaries coming to stay at his compound.  If I were to leave the compound and walk around on the street, people would see me, see where I came from, and then Mano would be even more of a target.

Tomorrow we will go to a Haitian market so I can attempt to barter.  Nzunga explains that bartering is not about selling your goods for more then they are worth.  Bartering is a chance for the customer and the vendor to have a conversation, to build a relationship.  I think this will help me feel less sheltered, to get to walk and talk with the vendors in the market.

My Creole teachers at the compound

The other problem for me is if I was allowed to walk around the streets, I wouldn’t have much to say to anyone.  I did enjoy some fun “conversations” with the children staying on the compound.  They were standing on the steps, making faces and hamming it up while I sat on the balcony.  I ran inside to get my camera, and they let me take a picture and video of the boy making funny faces.  I said, “Bonswa,” and the girl said, “Bonswa.”  I said, “Como regule,” and she told me her name, but I couldn’t pronounce it.  I asked, “Como i?” and she told me, “I’m good.  How are you?”  I said, “Mwen byen.”  I pointed to things around the compound, and asked, “Qui q’cest in Creole?”  She taught me fluir, Jeep, meza, fruit, and a few other words I forgot.  I asked her if papaya, mango, guava, banana are all fruit (pronounced fru-eat), and she said, “Oui.”  She asked if I liked Haiti, if I liked Creole, and I said, “Oui.”  I pointed to my head and hesitantly asked, “Tet?”  She smiled and affirmed me.  Then we went through tet, epol, jenou, otey (head, shoulders, knees, and toes), and Ron came down to video us singing together.  She was very forgiving with my bad accent, Creole that slipped into Spanish or English, and lack of things to say.  I’m not sure how a conversation outside the compound will go.

Same as when I went to New Zealand, the culture shock is slowly seeping in for me.  When we first landed, others in the group remarked about the streets, the lack of lanes, the goats roaming around with no owner in sight.  Nzunga loves to tell us, “Haiti is a free country.  Those are free goats in a free country.”  On day one, I didn’t feel surprised by all of this.  (Perhaps this is because of Chris’ pictures and stories of Port-au-Prince.)  I told Ron I couldn’t tell what was going on, but I wasn’t feeling the culture shock.  He remarked that he always feels it more on the way back.  When you’re traveling somewhere new, you take the experience in without letting yourself be shocked, because this is someone’s way of life.  It is what it is.  When you go back to the States, you become astounded with the differences, and you open your critical eyes to compare the places and experiences.

I want to back up again to Nzunga’s statement that Haiti is a free country, the goats are free, the drivers are free, the pedestrians are free.  They follow no laws but their own.  I’m struggling with being so sheltered and not getting to understand the level of freedom that does exist here.  I know that this definition of freedom comes with a high cost, but I want to ride in the tap-tap, the Haitian public transit trucks and buses that hold more than double the amount of people allowed in the States, and are also traveling murals.  I want to walk through the markets.  I want to try manje rapid (fast food) from a cart by the side of the road.  I want to have that experience and be able to understand first hand what it means to give up the amenities and comforts that are provided for us on the compound, to have a different sort of freedom.

I asked Nzunga and Mano if I learn enough Creole, what is the best book I should read.  They both responded, people.  A wise answer, and very fitting for me.  I hope I get the chance to practice it this week.

The one night we stayed in Port-au-Prince, there was a D.J. at the hotel.  Some of the other travelers were pretty tired and not too happy about having loud music all night as soon as we got settled.  Pharez (the youngest person on the trip) and I were pretty excited.  We went down after the nightly reflection to go dancing, but there was no one there, just the D.J. and a couple of friends.  We sat with Nzunga, he bought me a Haitian beer so we could try it.  There was a young kid, about 5 or 6, in a red T-shirt who came out on the dance floor, and had impeccable rhythm.  After one Haitien beer and a day full of flights, I was ready for bed.  I woke up the next morning completley well rested, only to find out the music had gone on all night and hundreds of people came to dance at midnight.

Haiti

The big trip is finally here.  I've been thinking about it since October, when Chris was building schools there and unknowingly became a catalyst for my journey.  I've heard many of his stories, and several others from people at Seattle First or through Companis.  Whenever a student would stand me up at the Downtown Library, I would take a few minutes to learn a new word or phrase in the Creole-English Dictionary on the 7th floor.  I've learned mostly body parts from the dictionary, and words for food from the Creole podcast I found.  When I went home a month ago, my parents bought me some good books talking about the state of Haiti before the earthquake, and one with letters written by Haitins in mostly Creole.

I don't really think any of this will prepare me for what's coming, for actually being there.  I don't think I will be able to follow or speak a word of Creole when I am immersed in it.  What I was doing while reading and looking up phrases or words was spending time being intentional about this trip, making time to let it take over my thoughts and mind for a few moments of almost every day for months.

Now that it's upon me, I'm really excited!  I'm so grateful for all the support I've had making this trip possible.  From my two church families, the Women's Mission Society at Calvary and Companis at SFBC for donating some money to Evergreen Association for the cause, and the special commission from SFBC.  Thanks to my parents for the books, and the insight that was hard to find elsewhere.  Thanks to Chris for being the catalyst.  Thanks to the Sunday brunch crew for talking over the trip with me every week.  And the biggest thanks to Ned Parker for making it all happen.

When I read back in my journals and blog to last summer, I read the thread of cravings, yearnings, desires for something amazing.  Looking back at this year, and looking ahead at the coming months, I feel satisfied.